Having listened to you reading your first draft, and this is similar to what I have written in my comments on your first draft, it sounds like your paper focuses on the relationship between Black men and women, and Black masculinity. You need to clearly state this in your thesis, and illustrate this point in your body paragraphs which seem to be comparing the past and present state of these relationships, the state of Black families and opportunities available to Black men.
Having listened to you reading your first draft, and this is similar to what I have written in my comments on your first draft, it sounds like your paper focuses on the relationship between Black men and women, and Black masculinity. You need to clearly state this in your thesis, and illustrate this point in your body paragraphs which seem to be comparing the past and present state of these relationships, the state of Black families and opportunities available to Black men.
ReplyDeleteI think its repetitive too much "the black male", you could use a little more variety. But overall I understand, its solid.
ReplyDelete