If your link for your First Draft is not working go back to the post in which you posted the link. To do this: click on New Post, then click on Edit Posts, click on Edit next to the post in which you included the link. The post window will open. Highlight the link you posted and then click Link, which is in the bar with spellcheck, bold, italics, etc. This will change the link that you posted into blue, underlined text, or a working link.
If this does not work, please post your paper as a blog post on your blog.
I reviewed your paper and you should have received an e-mail with a link to a copy of it with my comments. Also if you sign in to Google and go to Google Docs you should see this document.
Hi my name is Okorie an I read your First Draft of Paper #1 A. This introduction was nice and straight to the point but it doesn’t have a good thesis. B. The body paragraph definitly focuses on the simple look of a male picture but I would have to say you used a very unique age to describe the mascaline side. Simple and straight to the point of how the baby boy is dressed and the background in which the picture is taken. Babies don’t know or understand about having posture or taking photographs in general. You need new sentence starters rather than repeating “The person in the photograph is a male because… “ Also you are starting to repeat the same concept which got a little boring. C. Your conclusion was actually satifying. Giving a brief explanation on what I just read was good. But certain sentences could b a little better. D. The biggest strength on the paper was the first body paragraph. It actually made me realize that parents dress their babies according to gender and also that theexpected gender role starts out young even when u r just born. E. In my opinion I think you should improve on your sentence starters and adding more facts about the subject in which you are writing about.
1. I liked your introduction it explained what the paper was about. 2. In your body paragraphs there was clarity and explained how you can identify that the boy in the photograph was a male. There was repetition of how you cna tell the boy was a male. 3.In the conclusion sum everything up and it was good 4.The biggest strength is that you had clarity and I understood the gist of the whole essay
The link you posted is not working. Did you set the Share Settings to Anyone with a link? Did you copy the entire link?
ReplyDeleteI just re-copied the link.
ReplyDeleteIf your link for your First Draft is not working go back to the post in which you posted the link. To do this: click on New Post, then click on Edit Posts, click on Edit next to the post in which you included the link. The post window will open. Highlight the link you posted and then click Link, which is in the bar with spellcheck, bold, italics, etc. This will change the link that you posted into blue, underlined text, or a working link.
ReplyDeleteIf this does not work, please post your paper as a blog post on your blog.
It works now :) Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI reviewed your paper and you should have received an e-mail with a link to a copy of it with my comments. Also if you sign in to Google and go to Google Docs you should see this document.
ReplyDeleteHi my name is Okorie an I read your First Draft of Paper #1
ReplyDeleteA. This introduction was nice and straight to the point but it doesn’t have a good thesis.
B. The body paragraph definitly focuses on the simple look of a male picture but I would have to say you used a very unique age to describe the mascaline side. Simple and straight to the point of how the baby boy is dressed and the background in which the picture is taken. Babies don’t know or understand about having posture or taking photographs in general. You need new sentence starters rather than repeating “The person in the photograph is a male because… “ Also you are starting to repeat the same concept which got a little boring.
C. Your conclusion was actually satifying. Giving a brief explanation on what I just read was good. But certain sentences could b a little better.
D. The biggest strength on the paper was the first body paragraph. It actually made me realize that parents dress their babies according to gender and also that theexpected gender role starts out young even when u r just born.
E. In my opinion I think you should improve on your sentence starters and adding more facts about the subject in which you are writing about.
1. I liked your introduction it explained what the paper was about.
ReplyDelete2. In your body paragraphs there was clarity and explained how you can identify that the boy in the photograph was a male. There was repetition of how you cna tell the boy was a male.
3.In the conclusion sum everything up and it was good
4.The biggest strength is that you had clarity and I understood the gist of the whole essay